This is going to be (probably) the most transparent blog I’ve ever written. It’s up close and personal and I’m not writing it to be pitied or felt sorry for, nor for comments to boost me up and make me feel good. I’m writing it because I think there are a lot of women out there who feel the same way but are hiding behind masks. I’m getting real, right here right now.
I am lonely and I want to matter. My husband was away last week, shooting guns at Fort Shenandoah with about three thousand other men and women who like to dress up in Civil War uniforms and compete with their Carbines, Muskets, Maynard’s and other firearms. I called a Compadre of his and left a message to call home. He did. When he did he told me all about what was going on there and never once asked me how I was or was everything okay at home. Now, remember I requested he call me. That whole telephone conversation made me feel as though I didn’t matter.
I work from home. I spend my days alone with a twelve pound dog, Sam. I talk to Sam – he does not talk back to me. You get the picture. When husband comes home from work, adult company is welcomed. I’m afraid TV gets his company, not me. I get lonely. And, I am determined we will fix these things.
I know scores of women who try to talk to their spouses to tell them something needs to change, something is wrong, but their words are ignored and the wound grows deeper. Then one day, that woman goes to her spouse to say she is leaving and he is horrified and says, “What went wrong?” And, she just looks and says, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Yesterday, in Christian circles, a big story broke – a pastor stood in his pulpit telling his congregation that his wife has had multiple affairs and that she has admitted herself into a rehab center. My question? How many times did she try to tell him “something was wrong”? And, then one lonely day she said, “It doesn’t matter and walked out.”
Think about the Samaritan woman who visited the well one sunny afternoon, at a time when no other village women would be there to ridicule her, because she felt as though she didn’t matter. She met the Living Water that day and her life changed.
Readers, I don’t know why Holy Spirit woke me up this morning at 4:35 and said, “It matters – write it down.” But I know this, if you are lonely or feel as though you don’t matter to anyone – you matter enough to the Creator of the Universe to send His very own Son to be beaten beyond recognition and to hang on a cross beam with nine inch spikes driven into His hands and feet and to spill His holy blood for you – YOU MATTER TO HIM.
You bet it matters. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t matter.