This was the year of playing it forward and planting remembrances.
My daughter bought me a yellow knockout rose bush!
I gave this to my mom years ago – this year I gave it to my daughter!
A cutting from Mom’s Pothos plant for my daughter.
For my family and close friends please don’t read this and think I’m depressed because I am not – BUT, I am different. I know several women who have lost children and the thing I always say to myself is, “They will never be the same.” And, they never will. A grief and sorrow I pray I will never experience. One is never the same after a parent dies either.
Living motherless is difficult and I am (almost) finding it harder the longer time goes on. Yesterday, my sister and I were remembering a childhood neighbor, Sissy – we couldn’t, for the life of us, remember her last name. We both said almost in unison, “Mother would know.” Our mom was as sharp at 86 as she was at 26 – a blessing I count as one of my all-time gratefulnesses! She could remember the minutia of our lives – me? I have a hard time remembering what I ate yesterday!
This Mom’s Day was number two without taking the annual flat of mixed pink Impatiens up the hill to Unit 1-A at her apartment complex – but I did drive up anyway, it turned out to be a big mistake. Her apartment is now occupied by a woman whose truck is embellished with bumper stickers. But the giant Hosta and yellow Daylilies are still adorning the little garden plot. I had a moment or five…
Similar to the bumper now parked at 1-A!
For years, these were purchased every Mom’s Day weekend!
Motherless for 18 months now, I find life very different – I am very different. My mom and I were pretty close – we saw one another weekly and spoke on the phone every single day. I watched her grow old and her body begin to fail – although she was never sick, she suffered bad knees and legs that hurt. As I sit here and write this morning my right knee is wrapped and my left leg is cramping – weird, huh? Like I said, I am different now.
Mother’s Day was lovely – but I had this image in my mind as we sat at the restaurant that I was now the next era – there was no elderly Mom to look at and dote on – I was “it”. I’m not saying this well but, suffice it to say, it was a surreal personal moment. When I left the restaurant (alone, as my family headed home) is when I made the right turn (actually, the wrong turn) toward the apartment complex…
“Not depressed, just different!”
Thanks for allowing me to ramble this post-Mother’s Day Wednesday!
He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. Isaiah 40.29
Wednesday Linkups:
As I read this I weep. I miss her Sue. But I think she would be so proud of me finally, finally, finally moving on with my life and seeking the Lord and going it with the Lord at my side.
And I am going at it, full force, pressing in, making new friends, loving life, loving the Lord and trusting Him!
I know she would, sister. Onward we trod. xoxo
My mom has been gone since 1983, and I find myself missing her more now than I did then. Funny how that happens as we become more aware of our own mortality. She was 74; I am now 71. I know that I will never be the kind, patient person she was, but I can only hope and pray that my children and grandchildren will know how much they are loved. My mother had a hearing deficiency, and I also have one. She didn’t have a phone because of that difficulty, but I have not given up on the phone yet! Thank you for reminding me of my own precious mother this morning, Susan. She was one in a million, and you would have enjoyed knowing her!
I am sure I would!
Mother’s Day celebration has changed since the passing of mother 4 years ago.
The picnic’s in the backyard or gatherings at her house are gone forever but the delightful memories will always remain in our hearts. We now place a plant on the headstones of both our mother’s on their day and offer a prayer before we leave.
My mother’s day is now filled with phone calls, cards, gifts and love sent from our children who live out of state, except for one. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful children who show me their continual love.
Blessed indeed, Donna!
Thank you for these words. I too am thankful for the unconditional love of my own children, and it is what we focus on when we no longer can celebrate physically with our own mothers.
Crystal, thanks so much for stopping by and your gentle comment!
Yes, the Matriarchs. Rather sobering.
I really enjoyed this topic and could so relate to thinking of something that I wanted to ask my mother and realizing she’s not here to ask. And my mother has been in heaven since February 11, 2000! Hard to believe how the years have gone by! There is something very consoling about knowing that many of us experience so many of the same feelings. This was a wonderful topic and thanks for everybody’s sharing.
I suppose we will never stop picking up the phone to ask that question that only our Mom’s would know the answer to!
It’s what we do, isn’t it?
I’m so sorry about the loss of your mom and the changes you have had to experience. May God continue to comfort you and help you learn about your new ‘different’!
Anita, my mom passed away October 27 2012, funny how time is supposed to be so healing when in all reality it just makes one miss the loved one even more! Thanks for stopping by.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your post touched me deeply.
Thanks for linking up with Woman to Woman’s Word Filled Wednesday! God bless!
Jenifer, I am truly fine – just some surreal moments these past couple of days!
Oh, my new friend, I know exactly how you feel. You described it well — it’s not depressed, it’s just different. I lost my mom 15 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and long to talk over things with her.
Hi there new friend Cindy – so glad you stopped by! 15 years? Okay, so I’m in for the long haul! In good company!
Oh Susi, this is truly your best. Do we take it for granted when our parents are with us, Yes! I know that I did. Just to be able to sit and talk with an cup of tea. I’ve always said, after I lost my love ones, I’m now grown up, because I lost my love ones, and I had to take charge, kinda. We should cherish each and every day that we have our parents, or any memebers of our families, and when I say family, I also mean our cherish friends. Thank you for this , of course I am sharing this
Just writing from my heart! xo
Aw, Susan…….you’re such a gifted writer. Your words are sweet and dear and “hit home”. I can tell you that for me (and everybody is different, amen?) after some years had gone by (maybe a decade or longer) the “new me” was very much “ok” with being “the new me”….the motherless “me”. And that’s where I am today. For a while I had my Grandma Gertie to help fill the void and then she went on to Heaven. For a while it seemed I had “nobody” older to help fill the void very much. Then we started going to Myrtle Beach on a regular basis and Callie really helps…..and then there is the incomparable Mama Ruth who God allowed me to meet through what I call a Divine Appointment and she likes to do email (live in TN) and she really, really, really helps me along in my life. I must face the fact that she is well into her late 80’s and someday……………..yeah! But, this motherless “me” is ok….far more, really, than “ok”. This motherless me is thriving in life and embracing life and……. I do well remember those first few years after Mother’s “home-going” as being much different than now.
I love you, Susan!
Always kind, you are!
I’m so sorry for the loss of you mom. Thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully. Not ramblings at all. You shared how the loss of your mother has made you different in a touching way. Thank you for sharing with TWW.
Blessings.
Comments like yours is why I love the blogging community! Thank you Beth.
“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”
Abraham Lincoln
My mother went to heaven September 1988. I miss her to this day.
Thanks Sus.
Well my mom was no angel – but she certainly taught me a lot!!!
Call it rambling if you like but it is good to share your feelings with other friends and life is truly different without our parents. My Dad died in 1985 and I still miss him. My Mom died on my birthday in 2002. For the first two years I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday in any way, not even a cupcake. After those two long years GOD gave me so much peace and whispered to me that He gave me a special gift in 2002 by taking Mama home to heaven on my birthday. I have celebrated ever since then. Oh my, I sure do miss her even now. I know I will see her again. I believe the closest love to GOD’s love is a Mother’s love. No one can take the place of a Mother but GOD did bless me with two different ladies that were kind of like a second Mother to me in a lot of ways, Mrs. Grace Rash and Judy Faw. I know I will see them again also. When I worked at Mountain Village Apartments I realized that there are so many little elderly ladies that would love to be like a second Mother to someone. They so want to care about someone and someone care about them. I pray GOD brings you a “kind of like a second Mother”. Thank you for sharing.
This is a beautiful comment and means a great deal to me that you took the time to write. Blessings…xo
I didn’t comment when you posted this, but I do remember emailing and saying you must have wrote that just for me. In 8 days, my dad will have been gone for 8 months. There are times when I am ok, and then some small thing triggers tears and pain like that first moment I saw him lying there. I am so thankful that I got to spend 49 years with him. I looking forward to eternity with him, the rest of my family, my friends, and Jesus.
Cindy, bless you my friend. I sure miss our scrapping days. And, I miss your beautiful homemade cards! xo
This is beautiful! You are different. So true!
Tara, we must have tea. Love you, girl! xo
Different, not Depressed. I like that.
And not diminished.
Andrew, definitely NOT diminished! Thank you so much for stopping by.